I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
