shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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