That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
