Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
