Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
