my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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