Who wears a wallet chain?!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
