My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
