Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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