If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
