I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
