I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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