just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
