Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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