Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
