I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
