I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
