so explain again why im purple
no
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
