Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
