ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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