I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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