whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
