I can tuck mytits in my pants
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I deserve this hangover.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
