You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
