One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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