omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
