Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
