I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
babies were throwing up all over the place
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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