I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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