I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
