looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
mondays should just be called national damage control day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
