accomplished twins. life is a go
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
