Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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