Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
