you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
