8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
