Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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