she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
