Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
