she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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