Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
