I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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