Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
