I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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