She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
