I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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