I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
