Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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