I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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