i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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