i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
