I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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